Something that I discovered on my mental health journey, ESPECIALLY as a woman, is how often cause and effect are ignored to focus on making sure you “feel better” in the immediate context.
For example, when I was seeking help to deal with trauma from having a stalker, the focus always seemed to center around wanting to teach me how not to be “triggered” by the situation so that I would not be functionally HOMELESS.
It didn’t want to deal with the CAUSE (which was that a man I DID NOT KNOW had decided that he was going to have me by any means and that there was NOTHING I COULD LEGALLY DO to prevent it from happening) and the subsequent EFFECT (which was that I had to uproot my entire life, including SLEEPING IN MY CAR, in order to stay safe).
The immediate context of being HOMELESS was what everyone wanted me to focus on because that was the flaw in the story to THEM.
Not that I no longer felt safe staying alone, nor that I feared signing a lease because I had already been forced to break TWO and had been met with extreme hostility when trying to secure what I had hoped would be safe housing. Not that people seemed to either want to take advantage of my mental health state or use it as the reason that they did not HAVE to deal with me (BOTH of which exacerbated it). Not that I was too mentally exhausted to focus on anything but staying alive. Not that I now feared ANYONE being kind to me because that was how the situation started.
I did not hide my living situation because I was ASHAMED of it. I actually look back and am deeply proud of myself for recognizing the danger I was in and taking action before it could escalate any further, ESPECIALLY once I realized the extreme limitations of law enforcement and the legal to do anything until AFTER I became a victim of VIOLENCE. I hid my situation out of complete FEAR, not just of the person that had CAUSED the situation but by everyone else deciding that I somehow HAD TO BE (and in some cases, DESERVED to be) a victim before they should care.
I AM NOT A VICTIM because of years of LISTENING to women BRAVE enough to share their story and being able to recognize the signs before it was too late.
My goal behind the Persona Non Grata album is to help others who are hiding trauma not because they are ashamed of it, but rather because they feel the only way they can heal from it is ISOLATION and SILENCE. It’s not that they did not try to seek help, it’s that no one wants to PREVENT you from being further traumatized by a system that punishes you for CHOOSING not to be a victim. But hiding MY story only helps those who caused the trauma, NOT ME.
It is my hope that by sharing my story I can help build a mental health community that centers around societal reform so that you DO NOT HAVE TO BE A VICTIM before someone hears you.